Friday, January 22, 2010

Give a Benjamin to an Atheist and Have Your Pets Cared for After the Rapture

Wondering what to do with your pet after the rapture? A couple of atheists have established two companies, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA and JesusPets, where they offer their services to those Christians who will be leaving their pets behind at the rapture. The atheists, knowing that they will still be here, are willing to take your pet when you are gone for a fee of $110. The homepage of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA makes the following pitch:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
So I guess the pre-tribulational rapture dispensationalists--for just ten bucks more than a Benjamin--can sleep well at night knowing that "Fido,” though left behind, will be in good hands. I'm sure the atheists will gladly take Christians' money, but I'm not too convinced they would enjoy their riches if they ever had to make good on the contract and collect the pets.



27 comments: said...

Before anybody asks, "Yes, that's my daughter Charis and her Great Dane, Gracie. Her brother, Kade, is on the computer, and Dad is in the background watching OU play ball!"

Darrell said...

If things are really bad after the rapture like the books say it will, I would think the pets might be dinner fot those "left behind".

Now, before anyone gets upset at the very thought.....I was raised in an area of this country where the locals ate dog on a regular basis. The favorite was puppy dog stew, made from the young ones.

yes, its true

darrell :-)

Chris Ryan said...

Of course, seeing as how the rapture is poor theology, one could save that "benjamin+ten" and buy groceries for a food pantry or Bibles for a missionary. They could feel just as comfortable about the fate of their pets and do a whole lot more kingdom work than funding entreuproneuring atheists!

Anonymous said...


Amen on the rapture heresy, but while we are at it, why not just keep the BF and trust in God's sovereignty apart from our earthly man-made monetary notes. Grain and goats worked in the OT, That plus a cup of cold water ought to suffice.

But here is the irony: Starving Haitians steal humanitarian food, take it to the Dominican Republic and sell for cash.

Oh the curse of humanity...

Byroniac said...

Kevin, I hate Dispensational theology (used to believe in it), but the rapture doctrine is not heresy. It's just simply wrong. Unless of course you believe in it, which is not you or me, and then you live like you would if you were Amillenial. ;)

Anonymous said...


I am not sure I meant "burn-at-the-stake" heresy, but really, any belief contrary to mine is heresy by definition. :)

Actually, I think a pre-tribulational rapture has some roots in anti-Semitism, not to mention the "escapist" mentality it brings to the Christian life. But don't get me wrong, I would still sit down and have a meal with one or more folks who believe in a rapture. In fact I really can't think of any heresy that would bar having a meal with someone--we all gotta eat...


Bob Cleveland said...

Personally I'm having only saved pets, anyway. I don't let no lost dogs, cats, alligators etc in my house, even.

Everybody says the world is going to the dogs. Maybe that's what the rapture is about. They'll be left behind to run things.

Yeh, that's the ticket.

Christiane said...

Think about all the love our dear pets give. And it's 'unconditional', too. And then think about dogs that guide the blind, dogs that help the disabled, and the wonderful 'therapy' dogs that visit hospitals and nursing homes.
So MUCH love.
You know somthing: love comes from God, it circulates through the world, and returns to Him, the Sourch of all love.

These humble creatures of God, our beloved pets, may return to the dust, but the love they gave remains with us. Whose to say they will have no place in that longed-for moment in heaven when God shall wipe away all tears?

What a nice thought. :)
Well, enough dog-ma for one morning.

Hello to Gracie the Dog.
from L's

Byroniac said...

Kevin, your comment about pre-trib rapture having roots in anti-semitism surprises me. How so?

I have heard this concerning other views, such as my own Amillenialism / partial preterism (think I lean much more towards the latter if there is any difference, but I am not super-knowledgeable on either one). Basically, the impression I get sometimes is that anything which denies the supremacy of Jewish ethnicity is or has its roots in anti-Semitism. Funny, when I read Galatians, I get just the opposite impression: circumcision and being of Abraham's seed by itself avails nothing for salvation (sounds like John the Baptist agreed).

I have more in common with Palestinian Christians than I will ever have with unsaved Jews.

Tom Kelley said...

But ... but ... what if our atheist dog sitters get saved??

And wouldn't a deal like this disincentivize us from witnessing to them, knowing that, if they became believers, we'd have to find someone else to watch our pets?

And since all dogs go to heaven, will the atheists be stuck with a bunch of cats, gerbils, birds, and snakes?

The thought of my poor kitties being cared for by some godless infidel is more than I can bear. Guess I'd just go ahead and have them out down, if I were a pre-trib kind of guy.

But hey, I'm all for capitalism!

believer333 said...

LOL what a deal. I wouldn't leave my covenanted animals with athiests. "The righteous man loves the soul of his beast, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruelties".

All my animals have covenanted with Jesus, you know... me and my household serve the Lord. They are part of the household. :) said...

Believer 333,

You make an excellent point about the wicked's mercies being actual cruelties. That's one of the more interesting proverbs of Solomon.

Michael Ruffin said...

All Ugas go to heaven. Go Dawgs! Sic 'em! Woof! Woof!

Steve said...

That is one BIG dog.

Unknown said...

Too funny!!! :-)

Rex Ray said...

How do they arrange a ‘money back guarantee’; or if your pet gets killed?

Say the rapture takes place and you don’t answer the phone. They take your cat, but you’re out buying cat food.

They can’t return the cat because they’ve sold it on eBay.

You sue to get your cat back.

But they counter sue because of scratches.

(I’m afraid lawyers will think they’ve made the rapture.)

At the trial, you yank the cat from the defendant and the scared animal leaves claw marks across your face.

The judge says, “Cut the cat in half” and both parties yell, “DO IT!”

Unknown said...

Rex that's just...warped. ;-)

word verification: prell. Try to wash a cat with that! :-p

Byroniac said...

Rex Ray, LOL!

Jeffrey E.W. said...

Operation Ironiclad Ark...?

Kendall said...

The rapture is at the second your dog will be in the tribulation.

Looking for evidence of the pretrib rapture? Check out his link:
bottom of the page...

This is "Ruffy," the pre-trib puppy, looking for scriptural evidence for the pre-trib rapture.
"How's it going, Ruffy?" - - - "Rough, ...Rough," he says.

Anonymous said...

Since the "tribulation" was pre-now, the second coming will obviously be post-tribulational.


Byroniac said...

Kevin, are you postmillenial?

Anonymous said...


I am waitamillennial. While I do say "come Lord Jesus," I also say "if it pleases Thee, wait a thousand years. Let Thy people build Thy Kingdom as Thy Spirit lifts Thee up in the hearts of man."

I suppose that is "hopeful-amillennialism." And that is my official position. :)

Byroniac said...

If there's an eschatological position for clueless, I'm in it.

Byroniac said...

I want to add that I do not believe in any kind of premillenialism, currently. However, just for the record, I am not opposed to being raptured. That would not bother me at all, and in this wicked world the sooner the better.

Jason Epps said...

Ok - so if the Rapture does happen, are you saying my two dogs can't go with me?

Megan Austin said...

Brilliant idea! Why didn't I come up with it first?!