Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. C. S. Lewis
That last half-sentence is dynamite to my mind. Lewis is in essence saying, ‘The worst thing you could do for the people you love is hound them about changing, constantly harangue them ‘for their good,’ and perpetually concentrate on their problems.’ I could not agree more. I believe the greatest secret to real transformation in relationship is to so concentrate on your own issues that you ignore the problems in others. In other words, when your focus is on Christ and what He can do and is doing in your heart, you will free others up to focus on the Holy Spirit doing His work in them – because they aren't distracted by your torment of them.